The moment was pivotal; changing the way I went about my life for the next 14 years. Standing in the living room at the age of 14, my dreams were huge and inhibitions non-existent. I asked my parents for money to fund my latest adventure. Who knows, maybe paintball, my cheerleading – I was (and still am) a person of many interests. Overhearing the conversation, my brother – a few years older, and many years more mature – jumped in saying “Don’t ask them for money! They don’t have extra money just laying around for you to spend!”
He was right.
From that moment forward, I was much more conservative in my asking for anything, from anyone. My parents always took excellent care of us and we never went without our needs being met. For the extra luxuries, I got a job and worked to provide them for myself.
While my brother’s intention was to remove any spirit of entitlement, the enemy capitalized on this statement, twisting it into a lie that would keep me from asking my Father (and anyone else) for that which was on my heart. I subconsciously built a mental construct on the foundation that it is completely up to me to accomplish my dreams. Good things must be earned – independently. Free things came with guilt. Help from others would be held over my head.
I knew I was capable of accomplishing a lot; my skills were sharp. And if I couldn’t make it happen for myself, then the dream would simply remain a dream.
(yes, I admit, this was depressing.)
So I went on in life, carrying the weight of my own provision. This is the responsible way to be, right? It’s up to me to pay my bills, right? It’s up to me to work harder and longer to make more money, right? The irony is that through every season even when I made more money, I never seemed to get ahead. My toiling was not creating extra profit. My mentality was flawed.
I perceived from my earthly father that my success was defined by my ability to get a job, climb the ladder, and earn a paycheck. He always taught me to dream, and encouraged my adventures; yet, there was a tension on the two-sided coin. Dream big, but get a job and settle down. Fly, but be stable. The missing piece (and peace) was my reliance on and PARTNERING WITH my heavenly Father. Up to this point, God was God, and my dad was my dad. When people would pray to God saying “Dear daddy” or “Dear Father” I thought to myself that’s for people who don’t have a biological father in their life. He is just God to me.
As I have been walking on the water the past few months, I understand how crucial it is to have an intimate relationship with God as God, and also God as Father, establishing my identity as the daughter of the King.
I used to watch Paris Hilton and see her run amuck with her daddy’s money and feel conflicted. If only my dad had that much money, I would do something worthwhile with it. Not only did I wish I had it to do good, there was also a part of me that felt she must feel so loved to be able to just spend the money her Father had earned. Having that type of access was foreign to me.
My recent exploration and experiences began to deconstruct and reconstruct the relationship that the Perfect Father wants with me. Matthew 7:7 (Amplified) says “Keep on asking and it will be given to you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.” Not only does God want me to ask, He wants me to keep on asking, waiting on Him, believing Him for the passions on my heart. When you try to get ahold of a good friend on the phone for something important, you call once and know they will call right back. If not, you call again. You know that you can call as many times as you need because it’s important and you know they will come through for you!
Hebrews 4:16 “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”
God wants a relationship with us. He wants to partner with us. We have anxiety and depression running rampant in the world because we were never meant to bear the burden of provision by ourselves. God the Father is just waiting on us to enter into relationship with Him. Once we are walking in trust with Him, activating the covenant by keeping safe boundaries, He obliges Himself to provide for us. It’s not about money. It’s not about success. It’s about the relationship with our Creator (and these shall be added unto us).
When I first stepped into this realization it was very difficult. I felt irresponsible for not worrying about money anymore (even before the answer comes – when I have handed it over to God, I refuse to take it back. I stand firm in the knowledge that the answer is here although I don’t see it yet). I felt guilty for living my purpose instead of just working a job. I worried about what people thought of my choices. I heard the secular voice “What about your retirement? You’re almost 30! Who will want to marry you when you have student loan debt?”
Lies, lies, lies! Get behind me Satan.
I am joint heir with Christ. I am the daughter of the King. I am royalty. I am blessed and therefore wealth is drawn to me. I am about my Father’s business. I trust Him completely. Forever. As long as there is air in my lungs, food and water in my body and I am completing my assignment, everything else is secondary. Let God be the truth and every man a liar (Romans 3:4). He says do not be afraid so I am not afraid. He says He is with me, so I am covered in peace.
Not only shall we ask, seek, knock for the sake of our relationship with the King, we MUST ask for the rest of the world! God has already won the victory on our behalf; we simply must walk it out. He wants to use us the way He used Moses in the book of Exodus. He could have simply shaken the earth to release the Israelites, or killed pharaoh. Instead, he spent time with Moses, instructing him, encouraging him, building him up. Moses had the nerve to be honest with God about his fears of inadequacy. God knew his strengths and weaknesses, and still selected him.
God doesn’t call the perfect; He calls the willing. If you would like to know how to engage with God, or how to take your relationship with Him to the next level, reach out to me! I would love to chat with you and explore what God wants to do in your life.